Screw the Universe - I Just Want My Words

Journal 6-2

(the current inspiration sucking up my time and notebook pages)

I was just thinking that all I want to do is write. I don't want to bother with taking the GRE or to get into graduate school. I just want my house in Colorado and one or two huskies by my side and a notebook and computer to write with. I just want to write whatever I want to write. I've already written what I want to write - now I just have to keep it going.

Yes, there's nothing stopping me. When I told my parents what I wanted to do with my life, they've supported me ever since. Never once have they stepped on my dreams - all they want is for me to be happy and for me to succeed. In this way, I think I'm luckier than a lot of other writers out there who have stories about how their parents and even teachers have discouraged them.

So I've said that I've written what I want already. It's true - I have. I currently have 4 books finished. I just need to go through, tweak them, and then start sending them off. Have I? No, but the thought of printing out Book #1 and going through it has run through my mind so many times as of late I think I should probably just do it. Book #2 is my favorite. Book #4 was what started it all, and Book #1F is...mm, meh. Haha. It needs some tweaking too.

What? Yes, they have titles, but it's just easier to refer to them by numbers. Here's the story since I've sort of started already, haha. It all started at Book #4 (it goes farther back than that but I'll just stick to the books - if you ever want to know the rest I'll tell you). It was just going to be one thing. But then with the way it was going, I thought, "You know, I could probably have something in front of this..." So then it was sort of Book #2. But then I thought, "Well, I really should have a story that explains where all this started. So then it was Book #3. It was Book #3 for the longest time, with another book after it. So I had a total of 4 hanging around, one of which was actively being written. However, as all writers tend to have, a lull in my writing occured. It was one of those filler parts - it had to be there but it just wasn't exciting to write. It was about that time I started writing a fanfic for an anime series (anime = one of my most inspirating muses; thank God for the Japanese), and it was a hell of a lot more fun. I just kept on going, it wouldn't stop. I held off Book #3 and went all out on the fanfic. It ended up (once typed) as about 100 pages of material, and it could have kept going. But I had exhausted myself on something I considered wasteful at the time (I mean, I didn't think it was totally stupid because it was so fun to write, but I didn't think I was going to use it anywhere), even though some people encouraged me to find ways of using it. I declined. I didn't want to copy anyone, even though it was more like an artist using the "borrow and modify" technique. But I kept thinking about it and let the idea simmer on the backburner of my mind for a while.

So I finished Book #3 on a Greyhound bus to D.C. - it was a glorious finish. And then I began work on what I decided was going to be Book #2 - the fanfic - pushing back the other to the place of Book #4. Book #2 was fabulous. I rewrote everything; characters' personalities changed, looks changed, I gave one a family, merged 4 others into 1, deleted several others, changed the entire story, kept components that would be the most beneficial, etc. It was done in record time, if I recall. It was glorious - it's my favorite to date. This was the book that inspired me to be like Tolkien and create my own language; the dictionary now has over 400 words with several rules.

Ideas kept cropping up. For Christmas one year I gave each friend of mine a character profile - I turned them into a specific character. Then I had an inspiration after seeing the first Lord of the Rings in the theater and set to writing a story involving them. It was done after quite a lot of work. I had done the same my freshman year for some friends and came up with my most unique idea (inspired by nothing in particular, hence the most unique), and it's been hanging around ever since. I haven't worked on it. I think because it's mostly a chase and catch/journey sort of thing instead of a world in great peril or characters in mortal peril like I tend to do since I enjoy it so much. And I don't like the idea of starting something else while I'm in the middle of somthing, even though I've been a total slacker on it. It's sad, and sort of driving me bonkers, but it's true. I have ideas waiting...would you like to see the branch?

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 - now at the end of #2 the heroine dies, thus spawning another set off of it (another 5 I believe for another set of 6)
Then there is #1A, #1B, #1C, #1D, #1E, and #1F (my current work that I'm slacking on). And with the random 60 pages I thought up over the summer, #1G and possible #2G are in the oven. Some ideas are a lot stronger than others. For example, #1C is very weak with just an outline whereas #6 I might as well write. Others just have pieces with summaries etc. etc.

So I need to get on the ball. I need to stop slacking off. Must stop slacking....must stop slacking...

STOP SLACKING!