Friday, October 21, 2005

Oh The Irony...

Journal 9-3

The one day you finally decide to grant us a free write and I'm not feeling much of anything. There have been days in the past where I would have willingly spilled my guts due to frustration or sheer bright-eyed-bushy-tailedness, but today I'm pretty "meh."

But, because it is me, I'm sure I'll be able to ramble enough to get onto one specific topic and then go all out. After all, it's what I do.

Let's start with last night, shall we? Good times.

Actually, that's a lie. Last night was not good times. In fact, last night I was freaking out because of all this graduate school stuff. I felt like I was stuck. There were things I needed to do, but essentially I was stuck because I didn't know how to do them or just what to do with them. It was weird. Like one of those days where you have a list of things to do, and in all reality it's not that hard to get started, but there are just so many of them, little and big, that you don't know where to begin or how you'll finish. What made things really stupid is that at one point I flopped down on my bed at around 7 (or was it 9?) and laid there muttering to myself.

"It feels like I don't have enough time. But that's stupid because I totally have plenty of time. I could do stuff right now..."

But did I do anything? No. I was too wound up, too stressed to get anything accomplished efficiently, and if I can't do something efficiently, then I don't want to do it at all. I don't like half-assing stuff if I can help it. So finally I opted for something more relaxing.

I painted my nails. They're quite lovely too, all decked out in their French manicure glory. It was nice. And while I did that, I reread some of my book (#2) and thought about things I needed to change in it. I did have an inspiration at one point and sat there typing, nails wet with little white strips over them to keep the tip-paint at bay. I had to change the manner in which Akira had her memory blocked. Instead of giving Kaiton the ability to play with minds (which in truth, makes no sense), I busted out an old idea used ealier (which will be ironic because later on I'm going to remove it), in which Kaiton uses a chemical to get her into more of a berserker rage. Anyway, I had him pump her full of the stuff instead. It makes more sense and is a lot more fun.

I read some more. Used the Track Changes to keep tabs on what I did and eventually saved it as a revised version. It's not all revised, I'll have to go through that baby several times before it's the way it should be, but hey, .01% is a start right? I did look at it in that book view though. that was fun. Near 500 pages of goodness (single-spaced mind you!). That gets me excited.


What else?

I'm still concerned about graduate school. I don't know what my sister had to send in, but I have to send in writing samples. My problem? I don't know what to send. I mean, I understand what I need to send (poems, fiction, etc.), but out of my material, what do I send? The age old question of what they want is plaguing me. The issue of what these people consider "real" writing and what they don't eats at me. I suppose I'll just have to sift through and find a variety. A novel chapter here, a short story there, a bit of creative they want is single-spaced or double spaced? Probably double-spaced. Which kind of sucks in a way because then that means I actually get to send less material than if it were single-spaced. Hmph. I still need to get my statement of purpose ready. Ugh.

I guess I should go back to work on my portfolio now. Time to get crackin'!

Currently: Determined

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