So I guess, in essence, I don’t want to write it. But it’s in there lurking around (as most
stories do), bugging me to just go ahead and put it down on paper (or in
electronic 1s and 0s) so it will get out of my head like a pensieve from Harry
Potter. But as I said, it scares the
crap out of me. It would be my first horror novel, but it’s not blood or guts.
It’s not something paranormal. No ghosts or goblins riding through the night
eating babies or dark creepy things taking over people’s brains. None of that
typical stuff that’s considered horror these days by so many (though horror is
much more than that). No, this one is my personal fear. The kind of terror that
leaps through you when you walk to the edge of the abyss and stare down into it
and have no fucking idea of what might be on the other side.
Plenty of horror writers will indeed say, “Write what scares
you.” And I could. And, okay, I will admit, a small piece of my really wants
to. And maybe I will someday. But it’s the kind of thing that creeps me out to
the point that I wonder—if I write this, what if it comes true? It’s that kind
of end-of-the-world moment where you have absolutely zero control of where
things are headed. And let’s face it, though it is true that the majority of
the time we really don’t have control, at the very least we feel like we do. Or we can pretend that
we do. Because that makes us comfortable. Because it’s fucking scary as shit
when you realize the truth in one single moment when you have rock-bottom zero
control. And I’ve had that happen (ironically it wasn’t when I realized I was
just about to be involved in a car accident in which I could see the other car
coming at me dead on) and it sucks.
It wouldn’t be a matter of just putting it down on paper,
either. It would involve a lot of research. A lot of planning and a lot of
looking up of information I really don’t want to know. I think it would exhaust me and maybe even
get me a little depressed—another few reasons why I’m not so keen on crafting
it. Is it a new concept? No, not really. Has it been done before? The way I
would do it, I’m not sure.
That’s it, really. I just had these thoughts fluttering
around my head and decided to throw them out into the ether of the internet
rather than let them swim. I’m sure others can relate, even if it isn’t in
regards to a horror story idea. There’s always one or two ideas that we have
rattling around in our heads that we either can’t seem to grasp or just don’t
really want to put down on paper for one reason or another. Someday, perhaps.
Someday.
But not today.
