The Death of Music

I love killing a song.

Ok. That sounded a little overly dramatic. The title is a little overly dramatic, for that matter. But here's what I'm talking about.

I'm one of those people who loves to write with music. Not all the time, mind you, but often enough. I'm particularly fond of soundtracks (trust me, I've reviewed over 70 of them and can name a composer within a few minutes of listening to his/her style). But there are times when you hit that one scene, that one sweet scene where a song goes perfectly and the only way to keep that delicious writing vibe going is to play that song.

Over.

And over.

And over. Andoverandoverandoverandover.

Until finally you've reached the end of that sweeet scene and WHEW! You're done. You sit back and finally hit the stop button on your CD/MP3 player. And you have effectively killed that song.
You've killed it because you've just listened to it about 20 (maybe more) times in a row. Songs can be killed on the radio too. You've probably had it happen before. Everyone and their grandma thinks that "Super Awesome Song" is so great the radio plays it every hour, on the hour, until you want to tear your hair out or go on a bloody rampage down at the radio station. They did it with "One Sweet Day." They did it with "Lady Marmalade."

But you, ah, you've killed it for a purpose, like a caveman skinning a wooly mammoth, you used it's inspiration and sucked it dry. Yum-o.

And it is a beautiful thing. Completely indulging in that song as you write, one with your muse, swimming in those golden notes like it'll never end. Except it does.

The problem with killing a song is that, well, you've killed it. Listening to it again, it doesn't have that same punch it had the first time around. It's not as magical, not as strong, and - let's face it - you've already heard it a gazillion times.

I love those moments of pure inspirational writing bliss with Hans Zimmer blaring in my ears or the pure beauty of Lifescapes floating around the room. I bless the person who came up with the one song repeat button. I rock out to a chunk of soundtrack or a handful of really wicked melodies. I've taken out entire CDs this way. I've done love scenes, fight scenes, flight scenes, character themes, chase scenes, travel scenes, and credits. I've killed songs and not listened to them for years until randomly one day I hear one and it reanimates itself for a brief moment while I relive the joy of that particular scene before it goes away again.

I would now like to take the time to dedicate a moment of silence and respect to those songs I have totally killed:

R.I.P.

• Hybrid Theory Album (a few survived, but not many), and most of Meteora Album by Linkin Park


• "The Battle" and "Barbarian Horde" by Hans Zimmer, Gladiator Soundtrack


• "Rollin'" (both versions) by Limp Bizkit, Chocolate Starfish and the Hotdog Flavored Water Album


• Braveheart Album by James Horner (particularly "The Princess Pleads for Wallace's Life")


• "Haunted" by Poe, Haunted Album


• "Kryptonite" by Three Doors Down, The Better Life Album


• "Backwards" by Apartment 26, Mission Impossible II Soundtrack


• Most of the Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring soundtrack by Howard Shore (particularly "The Bridge of Khazad Dûm")


• Most of the Transformers score by Steve Jablonsky (though it's still got some heartbeats left)


• "Don't Hold Back" by The Potbelleez


• "I Don't Care" by Apocalyptica


• "Man on Fire (remix)," "The End Music" by Harry Gregson-Williams, Man on Fire soundtrack


• "Savin' Me" by Nickelback, All the Right Reasons Album


• "Angels," "Stand My Ground" by Within Temptation, Silent Force Album


• "The Cross," "What Have You Done" by Within Temptation, The Heart of Everything Album

There are more songs on their way, it's just a matter of time:

• "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga, The Fame Monster Album


• "Black Roses Red" by Alana Grace


• "Invincible" by Adelita's Way, Adelita's Way Album


• "Follow Me Down" by 3OH! and Neon Hitch, Alice in Wonderland Soundtrack


• and many more!

So if you're with me, rejoice in killing songs because hey, you sure do get a lot out of it, don't you? And it is fun hearing them in almost their full glory, an echo of what they used to be, years on down the road.

One day, the music just...stops.

Query Letter Hell

I am indeed in query letter hell.

In both senses of the word.

Several times now, my query letter has floated around in the forums at Absolute Write. Several times now, it's been dissected into small pieces. Which is what I want, obviously, otherwise I wouldn't post it there.

Except I can't seem to make it better.

For some bizarre reason, I'm fighting an uphill battle with this particular query letter. I've written at least one query letter before, and while that doesn't make me an expert on writing them, that one got me several agent nibbles at least - one of them was the third agent I queried and would love nothing more than to work with.

So what the heck is going on with this one?

I can't seem to hit the nail on the head when it comes to voice. I'm incapacitated in some way when it comes to conveying the ideas I want to convey (or think I need to convey). Maybe I should go shorter. I don't know. I've written, rewritten, rearranged and added, reorganized and changed, rewritten, and more.

When I thought perhaps I'd reached a happy(ish) place, I sent the query to a very small number of agents. As if the cosmic universe were paying attention, one agent responded - and actually commented on the letter, stating that perhaps if it were just a bit stronger, she might have asked for material.

Well hot diggity dog - a real live agent response with advice! I promptly thanked her. I mean really, you can't ask for much more than that when all you've sent off to an agent is your query. Unless, of course, the agent puts that in all the form e-rejections...but I doubt it. That doesn't make much sense since some queries (as we all know) can be downright frightening.

Whatever the case, I took it as a sign that I need to work harder. Which sucks since I'm ready to tear this (and every) query into tiny little pieces while horns pop out of my head and flames appear in my eyes. Despite said demonic feeling, instead of doing freelance work like I'd ordered myself to do earlier, I ended up working on yet another query. One completely different from any of the others I'd written. I'll see how that flies over in Query Letter Hell.

And until I get one that functions, I'll continue to stew in Query Letter Hell.

But I'm getting to the point where I really, really hate queries and their whole existence.


DAMN YOU, QUERY!

Let's Talk About Love

Normally I don't put this sort of thing out there, but I was thinking about it last night and found it rather interesting. I often leave my characters behind their closed doors, and hardly ever put them in a blog, but once I get something in my brain, I think about it until I can get it out somewhere (which is why I wish Pensieves were real).

I have several different books and several different couples in them. It's interesting to see when those couples finally get together. Each one is, well, different. Whether they're hooking up for the first time or just lying together in bed, no one is the same. I'd thought long ago about how they would sleep together (spooning, separate, etc.) but it was just last night when I realized how different their first sexual encounters are. Ok, let me add that this is a really weird thing for me to talk about. Haha. Normally my characters hook up off screen, but the last two stories I've worked on, it's going to be on screen. And after all, they're characters, so who the hell cares?

So I thought I'd sort of map it out. Put my couples here and list their, er, style and then sleeping preference. Don't freak out, there's not going to be any detail. In fact, I'm not even going to bother with full names and just use first initials. Think of it like an anthropological study.

K♀ & A♂: Sex: Missionary. K is a very dominant guy and prefers dominant positions. Besides, they allow him to watch his and A's backs for danger. He's kind of paranoid like that. Sleep: K likes to sleep with his head on A's tummy, his arms wrapped around her.

E♀ & M♂: Sex: Probably missionary. I say probably because these two started out married, and any intimate stuff is off stage. However, E's a versatile guy and always happy to please, so if M ever asked for something different, he'd give over in a second. Sleep: These two tend to spoon with E's arms around M since he's just as protective as K up there and cut from the same cloth.

W♀ & T♂: Sex: Lap dance. Actually, these two don't do this until after the book, and I haven't thought about them in a long time. Yet somehow this seems like the right position for them to be in. Expect serious eye contact. Sleep: W sleeps on his back while T snuggles up next to him, almost on his chest.

V♀ & A♂: Sex: Woman-on-Top. As K's daughter, she has a dominant streak, not that this is anything creepy. And she's more than willing to switch from time to time. Sleep: These two totally snuggle together, all tangled up.

D♀ & A♂: Sex: Missionary. These two really wanted to hook up and this was the easiest and fastest position. Sleep: Close, facing each other, hands together. D likes A to be the first thing he sees when he wakes up. It helps remind him that she's still there with him.

L♀ & G♂: Sex: Missionary to Woman-on-Top. These two have a 2-round session their first time together since they're making up for lost time. The first part is tender while the second is G wanting her have her way just right with L. Sleep: I haven't actually thought of this because they pretty much went straight from sex to continuing their journey and don't get a normal sleep together until the book is done...

W♀ & C♂: Sex: Sort of halfway between Doggie Style and Reverse Cowgirl. Both of them were kneeling and W had his arms around C the entire time. This, actually, was my first on screen sex scene. It might also make you snicker if you knew W's origins. Sleep: Any number of ways, though W usually has at least one arm around her at all times.

I do have a few other couples, but I've never thought about their specific hookup moments or after-the-moment sleep. However, seeing all this variety makes me happy because it shows I don't have the same thing going on all the time. I feel that's important -especially if it's going to be on screen. That way your readers don't get bored. And we all know a great way to keep a marriage going is to keep the sex life spicy! Funny though, since I'm not married. Haha.


Oh, and in case you haven't heard, e-reader prices are down significantly, Kindle to $189 and Nook to $149 (unless you want 3G service included, then it's $199).

Starving Artist (Ur Doin It Right)

I never expected to have even as many followers as I do, though now that it's happened I feel rather like I ought to post more. The problem is that I don't always have something of value to post. But ironically, as I was thinking that I had a thought pop into my head from something I'd just read off Nathan Bransford's latest post and thought perhaps it might be time for a rant directed at the people who purchase books. True, those who follow this blog are pretty much all writers or at the very least interested in the writing business (I assume anyway), but who knows, maybe this post will escape and ring in a few people's heads.

The issue today is a simple one; money.

Though I guess technically money isn't very simple, what with all the channels and contracts, and middlemen it has to travel through in order to get from anyone's hands to someone else's hands. But setting that aside for a moment, this post is directed at readers who constantly complain about the price of a book.

I think this is due in large part to the fact that they completely forget (if they ever realized) how much of a process and how (often) writing a book can be a pain in the ass. Yes, we do it because we love it and yes, we do it because we want to give you a bit of joy and entertainment and God yes, we want you to come back clamoring for more, but let's say on average (and that's stretching it I think), it takes an author a year to crank out a book. Have you ever taken the time to look at a book? And I mean really look. Look at those 318 pages of words, thoughts, people talking, description, action, stuff that makes you sit on the edge of your seat, stuff that makes you laugh out loud, stuff that in rare cases may even make you cry.

One person is doing all that. And it's not easy.

As F. Scott Fitzgerald once said, "Writers aren't exactly people...they're a whole lot of people trying to be one person." In a way, we're almost like people who have personality disorders kept in serious check. We're crazy under control. We have hundreds of people running around in our heads, but we know how to handle them. All right, I'm exaggerating, but you get the point. It's a lot of work to write a book. And the thing that gets me is that people are always amazed when they hear you write. It's always a comment akin to, "Wow, I could never do that!"

And yet many of these same people will balk at spending $27 a newly released hardcover. Or they want a discount on a mass market paperback that's already $6.99. I know you want to save money. I do, I really do. Heck, I'll even wait until my employee discount at B&N kicks in before going on a crazy buying spree (ok, most of the time). But why are you complaining in the first place? Because you forgot all the work that went into the book, that's why. Because you're holding the finished product in your hands. You never see the two, three, sometimes more drafts that a writer goes through. All the ink, all the paper, all the time with their butt stuck to a chair while the sun shines outside and the dog wants to play ball but they can't because they've got a deadline to finish working on a book so the editor can go through it and it can get printed and you can read it.

And we get paid bunk. I don't know what people think - I don't know if they're under the assumption that the writer gets all $27 or what, but if that's what you think then you need to adjust you brain right now. We get paid a percentage of each book, and it's not even 50%. It's far from that. Heck, you're lucky if you can get 10%. That $6.99 paperback (or ebook now) has to get diviied up into a lot of smaller pie pieces. Why do you think writers have to keep writing? For the longest time, the average writer got 6% of the pie. Now here's some simple math for you:

Book cost $6.99 x 6% = $0.4194 earned per book
Say 20,000 copies sell = $8,388

And that's just royalties talking. And authors don't get royalties right away either. We have to make back our advance first. So the authors gets nothing on that $27 hardcover until the publisher gets all the advance money back. And if you think authors are getting $50,000 advances or even $25,000 advances every time, you are seriously mistaken and ought to do some research of your own.

In short, when you purchase a little paperback, you are paying that author maybe $0.50 for his or her year-long work. That's why I can't justify spending a ton of money on clothes when I know for a fact that $50 pair of jeans is put together on a big factory machine that takes a handful of minutes to spit out dozens of pairs. Put things in perspective for a moment, will you? Look at half the junk you own and tell yourself; did it take a year (or more) for this item to be created? A couch can cost $1,000 or more and put together in a factory where they crank out who knows how many similar couches a day? But people just think that because a book is smaller (or whatever it is in their mind) it deserves less worth.

While we all care about money (kinda need it to survive), the clothing maker doesn't give a crap about you. The couchmaker just hopes to sell more couches. The author created that story not just for him/herself, but for you. Because they knew (or at least hoped) that you would enjoy such a tale with unique characters and a story that gets your adrenaline going.

So the next time you start fussing about book prices, how about you take a moment and think about the author for once, hmm?

End rant.


This only happens in the fantasy (and maybe SF) genre.

The Deluge

Granted, you have probably already read this over at Nathan Bransford's blog, or either straight from the Huffington Post, and I kind of hate to be a schmuck and just repost other people's stuff - but dangitall if it isn't a really good article that squelched even some of my fussing when it comes to ereaders. He makes several points, all of them good.

While I still maintain that people are going to think we're the techs that can fix their gadget problems or something else - at least for now (just yesterday I had a guy literally yelling in my ear over the phone about the audacity that he register his credit card to get an ebook), that's a different concept altogether.

Indeed, when we worry about all the "bad books" that can get into the book world, who hasn't read a craptastic book as it is? One of those books where you sit there with a horror-stricken look and say, "How the hell did this ever get published?" But Mr. Bransford is correct. There are so many out there now, how the heck will we ever truly know the difference?

(Still though, if silence is going to be the rejection, please let us know on your website beforehand so we don't bother you with follow-ups. =D)

Well, if you're going to get on board, choose your poison.

Pitching (Not the Baseball Kind)

Luckily for writers, three strikes when pitching does not mean that we're out. It just means we need to seriously work on our pitching skills. And we're not throwing baseballs either. We're hurling a bunch of words at an agent or editor and hoping that we don't sound like total morons or end up blathering on and on or, on the other end of the spectrum, freezing up and forgetting what we wanted to say in the first place. So let's face it; we need help. Many of us don't really know what we're doing when we find ourselves face to face with people that can make our book a reality (as in bound pages and people paying to read it). We've heard plenty of "Don't do this" and "Don't do that" but has anyone written about what we should do?

Well, yeah. But you know what? Here's another post by Rachelle Gardner (an actual agent) about pitching that might help you the next time you find yourself at a conference with agents and editors all around you: Secrets of a Great Pitch.

While on the subject, I'd like to add a little something else. At the end of her post, Ms. Gardner informs us to remember that agents and editors are just regular people. I think one of the problems is that we already know this. Writers are fully aware that agents cook their own dinners and deal with crazy 5-year-olds and hate that gas prices are always going up. Just like the rest of us.

Now I don't know about anyone else, but for me, that's not why I'm nervous. I know you're a person. The deal is that you are a person who has the power to change my life. That's right. Like He-Man, You Have the POWER! *cue lightning and thunder* That's why agents and editors turn into, or are, such a big deal for us. They're the most important stepping stone (if you don't mind the comparison) toward getting on the bookstore shelves. We want to impress you. That's why we're terrified of screwing up. And the fact that you're a person means that you have your own tastes as well as professional ideas of what will and what won't sell. We worry you won't like what we've written even if we think it's the best dang thing since sliced bread. We worry you'll look at us like we're stupid for writing such a thing, and we've worked so hard to make the best manuscript possible, yet suddenly it's like we're in fifth grade again and have just done something to make the whole class laugh at us.

I might be getting a little over the top, but you get the idea. That's what freaks us out. It doesn't matter that you have to fix your sink like I do - it's the fact that you can either help make my dreams come true or tell me to shove off.

Now for the record, most agents aren't going to tell you to shove off. Horror stories aside, many agents totally understand how freaked we are and are willing to help us along when we spaz out. I once pitched to the editor of Del Rey, Betsy Mitchell, and was a total wreck. But she knew it. In fact, she knew we were all likely to be total wrecks, having never pitched before. But she was patient, understanding, and not at all rude (though I'm sure she had other things on her mind at the time).

In the end, we're going to have to ignore the gatekeeper/power thing and just focus on crafting a pitch that doesn't suck. Remembering that agents and editors are people can help, but you should also remember a few things about yourself as well; you've just written a book. An entire book. We, the authors, are the reasons that agents and editors exist. They know it - why else do you think they're looking for books to represent? They love books as much as we do, and thus have made it their livelihood (though in a different way). It's a symbiotic relationship - without one, the other cannot be. So buck up, stand tall, and pitch your little heart out. Even if the agent or editor isn't interested in your book, they'll at least appreciate your enthusiasm and confidence.

There's a story behind this, I just know it...

The Danger of Being a Writer

I currently have 6 books in finished form (that is, at the very least I have their first draft done). Count 'em. 6. Out of those, only one book is revised and polished enough for me to query (which I am). The others all need to be revised, beta read, and revised some more.

It's quite pathetic, when you think about it.

Granted, not every would-be author can claim they've done 6 books, but I tend to finish a book and then get an idea and keep plowing right on into the next one. Sometimes I'll even interrupt a book in progress to write something else, which I have done. Twice. I often get ideas mid-book and want to go tackle them lest they get away. I know there are other authors out there with this particular little tweak. It's funny because people ask where we get our ideas. Sometimes we know, sometimes we don't, but in many ways it doesn't matter because the fact is that they just keep coming.

I have two books I really should be revising, one of them with a higher priority than the other. But I have yet to do so. I procrastinate, telling myself, "Oh, I don't have time" when I know that's a load of bull. I have the time. I just don't want to do it. I hate revising. I hate going through and fixing things. I think it's because I hate making mistakes. I hate seeing my screw-ups pointed out and all the places where people tell me I've got it wrong. I do appreciate the effort taken by my partners to look at my manuscript, to go through and edit it in order to help me become a better writer. I just hate having to revise my stuff once they're done.

So here I am, one book just a day or two of time shy of moving into query letter process, and I'm already considering new ideas. 1.) I shouldn't because I still have a book on hold (though admittedly, it's pissing me off). 2.) I can't help it because as many of you know, once an idea gets into your brain, muses like to prod and poke you about it until you get it down on paper or work it out or something.

I guess I shouldn't have gone to see Alice in Wonderland. But I did, and I loved it, and I loved the Hatter (who didn't?). And, all thanks to that movie and a great deal to the Hatter, I now have another idea niggling at the back of my mind. I've scribbled down some of it, but it's one of those ideas that wants to get bigger and bigger.

So I guess the real danger of being a writer is having too many ideas at once, or several books jostling for attention. Kind of a strange problem to have - even harder to imagine for non-writers - but still a problem nonetheless. In the end I'll just have to deal with it and roll the idea around in my head while forcing myself to make time for my other books.

I really wish pensieves were real...


Will you, won't you?

Post 100 - The Nook

Originally for my 100th post I was going to do a nice long piece about Seton Hill University where I got my MA. After all, I'm forever referring to it, the mentors there, and have lists along the side of links to Seton Hill people.

But I decided that might take some time and instead have opted for a different route, one involving e-readers in a post that I haven't seen anywhere else, regarding a matter that I'm not sure anyone has considered yet.

Selling an e-reader in a bookstore and how that changes things (in a not-so-good way).

I wanted to work for Barnes & Noble because I love books. I love to play with them. I even love the smell of the store when I walk in, working day or no. And one of the things I knew I could count on was catering to a better clientele than in other retail locations like sporting goods or clothing (trust me, I've done both). Sure, on occasion you get a fussy customer or even a really unhappy one, but they're few and far between when compared to the rest of the retail world. Why do you think every B&N store has a huge backlog of applications?

But getting to the point. Just yesterday a woman comes in. Her Nook (the B&N e-reader to rival the Kindle, in case you didn't know) won't turn on. Now, I'm not a total idiot when it comes to gadgets. I'm fact, I'm pretty friggin' tech savvy. But I don't own a Nook. I work part-time and freelance wherever possible and barely make enough to cover my expenses - you think I'm going to shell out $259 for any e-reader? Especially when, even with my discount, I only buy maybe a total of 5 books a year? The company certainly isn't going to give out Nooks to all its employees (just the district managers...or store managers? I don't remember). The simple fact is that I know perhaps 1% about the Nook. We haven't been schooled in Nook technology yet. This may not be true for all B&N stores, but it is for us. We only recently got our little front store Nook nook set up.

Basically what happened was this: The woman's Nook refused to turn on. She maintained that it was charged. None of us knew what its deal was. So we told her to call the help hotline on the Nook package. Of course this is too much for her. She hemmed and hawed about how if it was a quality product we should stand behind it and be able to take care of such things in the store. As always, we were polite and explained that we weren't tech savvy just yet on the Nook (as evidenced by our not-yet-functioning Nook nook) since it's still relatively new, etc. Naturally she wasn't satisfied and left all huffy.

Fine, we get people like that all the time even on books. My complaint isn't about her. My worry is that we'll get more people like her. The issue is that we'll go from booksellers to tech people. And we're not tech people. None of us (save the store manager) owns a Nook. We don't know what all their potential problems are. We can't fix them for you. We don't have the know-how and we certainly don't have all the tools and toys to open it up and check it out. People, as a whole, get a lot more frustrated and - in a word - bitchy about electronics than they do about books. Myself included (just not to any employees because I know better). Even after the woman left, I later had a man come up and ask me all sorts of questions about the Nook and I could only answer a handful of them, which was also frustrating to me because I like helping people.

True, I'm sure they'll school us employees on Nook functions soon, but the fact remains: We are still going to be booksellers. We are not going to be tech support. Yet I am willing to put money down that all sorts of people who own Nooks will mosey into the store and expect us to fix it. In fact, I don't even think our Nook nook is meant to fix things; I think it's just a kiosk to help push the product. In which case people coming up to the desk expecting the poor soul behind it to fix their jacked up Nook will get all pissy when the person can't. People are impatient. They don't want to call a help hotline and tinker with their own product. They don't want to have to send it anywhere and then wait for it to get sent back. They want it fixed now.

They'll want us to be the Geek Squad of the Nook. And we're not.

Will the clientele for the Nook be different than typical book shoppers you might ask? Yes. E-reader owners don't have to go to bookstores to get their books. They won't be browsers who mosey through the store and ask or give book suggestions. They'll just come in when they want us to fix something. Granted, that won't be every e-reader owner, so I'm not assuming that just because you own an e-reader you suck at life. But anyone with a brain knows there's a difference between the atmosphere in B&N (or even Borders) and the atmosphere at the Geek Squad table at Best Buy (no offense Best Buy - I like your tech guys and applaud them for their skills. I've even used them a few times when my computer has gone beyond me).

Maybe someday in the future all new hires will be required to understand the Nook inside and out. But I think that day is far ahead. For now, if you have a Nook and it's broken, we can't fix it. Don't be a jerk about it. Going on a tirade won't help. I work at a bookstore because I love books and I love the people that love books. If I wanted to work in tech support I'd be at Best Buy or somewhere else. Amazon is lucky they're online only - people with Kindles have no choice but to call or email. Even then, guess who they talk to? Someone specifically trained to handle fixes for the Kindle.


Here we go...

P.S. I don't actually think it's called a Nook "nook," but I just found it amusing.

The Infamous "Glance"

On that last post, someone left a comment wondering just how exactly people could misuse certain words - namely the words that Tim often rants about.

While I can't recall Tim's rant about "hopefully" and "nauseous," I do know his rant about "glance." I remember this one because I frequently misused it. The funny thing was, I knew what glance meant. Even when I used it incorrectly. But I still did it. However, after Tim's reminder, I thought perhaps I ought to start using "glance" as it is supposed to be used and finding other ways of either eliminating other words like "look" or finding alternate things to do.

So what's the deal with glance?

If you go back and look up the definition of glance, you'll find that it is NOT the same thing as look. A glance is fast. It is brief. You can only glean so many details and bits of information when you glance at something. If you glance at your mom, sure you might notice that her shirt is red, but you're not going to be able to see the fine lines around her eyes or what type of fabric the shirt is made of. Yet in writing, people (myself included at one point in time) often use glance the same as they would look. A character glances at another character and mentions so many details, it is impossible that they would have noticed so much had they truly glanced at that character.

I'd like to add that a glance over the shoulder will tell you even less. Glance over your shoulder right now and see what you can really distinguish. When I do it, I can see that there's a door behind me and that there is snow on the ground outside. You simply don't see very well unless you actually turn your body a little. That doesn't mean you have to mention your character turning (God forbid - look out for stage directions!) or something like that, but whenever characters glance over their shoulders, they often see sad looks on other character's faces and so forth when you wouldn't unless you had eyes like Superman.

So it's just something to remember when writing that your character glanced at so-and-so. Make it a real glance, not a look. And another thing to keep in mind; pay attention to how much looking your characters do. Chances are, if someone is talking, readers will automatically assume the character will look at the speaker without the writer mentioning it. This actually makes me want to talk about stage directions, but I think that's enough for now.


I see you...(because I'm not glancing)

Contender for the Most Misused Word in the English Language

I was thinking I should post something useful, seeing as I now have followers - a strange, yet fun fact - and what better to put up than something from the one and only Tim Esaias.

Now, I realize that most (or all) of you won't have any idea of who Tim is. I really ought to put up a post about Seton Hill since I often refer to it but never fully explain what it is. I'll make a note of that. Until then, Tim teaches there, offering up his tidbits of wisdom and showing many of us the joys of weaponry, fortifications, and what we really ought to keep out of our novels and writing work in general. He's got some of the best ideas I've heard in....well, since I started writing, actually. There are several items Tim takes issue with; smiling, nodding, moon phases in fantasy worlds, stage directions, and the grimace (a word I think I've only used once in my entire writing career...if you can call it a career anyway).

But today I'd like to share with you one of Tim's posts on the Seton Hill message board concerning one particular word: prodigal.

Prodigal.

It's true that glance is horribly misused, and used more commonly. And there're nauseous and hopefully as major rivals. But it would be hard to equal the percentage of misuse this word gets.

The word is so commonly misused, that the best strategy for a writer is never to use it. The audience won't know what you mean by it, so what's the point?

It means spendthrift. It does NOT mean went away for a while.

The reason that most people don't know the correct meaning is that they run across this word in just two confusing contexts: the parable of the Prodigal Son, and the expression "the Prodigal returns."

In the parable the elder son takes his inheritance in cash, goes away from home, and BLOWS IT ALL. It's the blowing the money that makes him prodigal. He returns because he's flat broke. The phrase is a reference to this event in the parable: the return and the father killing the best herd animal to greet him, despite his being a spendthrift.

This reader/copyeditor is sick to death of people using this word incorrectly. He would also like to protect his friends, colleagues and students from appearing to be culturally ignorant, not to mention semi-illiterate, hence this brief note.

It is true that one dictionary company has decided to enshrine American ignorance by accepting the incorrect definition, based on common misuse. It is also true that ignorance is one of the engines of linguistic change. That does not mean, this writer feels, that embracing ignorance is a virtue. He treats that idea with scorn; spurns it with his heel; and shakes from his sandals the dust of any city which accepts it.

Here endeth the rant.

Personally, I only feel a little stupid. I've never used the word "prodigal" in any of my writings, so I've never had the chance to misuse it. However, I thought it meant something completely different from both of these (wrong and right) definitions.

At least now I know better.

I also miss my access to the OED online.


"Oh father, I've returned! ...Can I get another $200?"

Clash of the Titans

In case you haven't heard yet (and if you're an author, you should have), there's a nasty little tiff going on between Amazon and Macmillan. Basically it's a price thing. I mean, isn't it always? Always about money.

But I thought perhaps I'd give a shoutout to the BookEnds blog, because Jessica Faust speaks of how the author pretty much always gets left behind in issues like this, how it sucks, and how it's not fair.

Also be sure to pop on over to PubRants to see a letter from John Sargent.

But if you want to hear an uplifting post - at least, about ebooks - then Nathan Bransford's blog is the place to be. (not sure I agree about all of that, but I like that he's gung-ho about things)

Choose your destiny.

Hook First - Then Line and Sinker

Sometimes you find nuggets of joy on AW, so when I found this blog, I decided to join in on the fun to see how my first paragraph would fare in their contest. I didn't win, but I got a healthy amount of votes that (if I remember right) landed me third place in that particular group. Yay.

One commenter hoped that I might enlighten them as to what is going on to create such a first paragraph/line, and I figured I'd share. After all, why not? I've already delivered Lucan upon a bunch of you guys, so the opening of Illusion's Trick is no big deal, especially since it is in need of some major repairs, and not much of this may survive. I even edited what you'll read below because I couldn't stand putting up the original version. I agree with several commenters that the first line isn't *quite* right, though whether it's because of "while" instead of "when" or something else, I'm still not sure, so I've just left it intact for now until I figure out what I want to do with it.

Anywho, this is where the first line leads, and if I had more "oomf" in me today, I'd supply a fast synopsis/pitch, but I don't remember where I scribbled it down. Oh well.

When other girls at the ages of five and six dreamed of being rescued from high towers by knights in shining armor, I dreamed of being kidnapped.

Sorry, before I give the wrong impression, let me qualify that. Yes, I did dream about being kidnapped, but not in the typical sense. I didn’t imagine strange people snatching me as I walked home from school or getting dragged off into a dark van or any equally disturbing scenario. I loved my family (and still do). The idea of running away into the real world scared me. No, I just thought it would be fun to be whisked away into a fantasy land. I dreamed that somewhere, somehow, a prince from a distant land completely unconnected to ours saw me and became so enamored he ordered his men to carry me away.

And they did.

And by the way, for those of you coming in from the first line contest (if anyone is), the boy eventually reappears much later when the girl here (Gabrielle) is grown. His name is Lucan, and you can read a juicy tidbit involving these two which was my post for the No Kiss Blogfest.


Hades and Persephone ~ View this in full here and check out Sandara's other amazing works. (Lucan isn't this dark, I just tend to associate him and Gabrielle as opposites attracting...deliciously.)

1st Draft: Finished

The completion of a first draft is at once a triumph and a depressing moment.

Sure, you've written those magical words - "The End" - and at the time they seem to tie up everything in the story into a neat little bow.

And yet, now that you've finished, you get to go back and look at all the glaring mistakes. All the things you did wrong. All those tiny plot pieces that need to be fixed. All. Those. Things. They're just sitting there, lurking, waiting, and you have to go back and look at them all and fix them and it seems like you're writing the damn thing all over again.

Ugh.

And then, of course, if you have a critique partner (or two or three), they get to point out all the screw ups you haven't seen. All the things your audience would see and wonder about (which is why you have the critique partners and betas in the first place). So you sit back and read their comments and get all pissed. Not because they're pointing out stuff, but because now you have to go back and fix it and you just want to be done already so you can start querying, and yet at the same time you know you can't because querying what you have now would just be like shooting yourself in the foot because no agent/editor in his/her right mind would take your book.

It's a prime headdesk moment.

I suppose I can't complain. It's just tiring. Yes, I've just finished a first draft (ok, I finished it yesterday), but now I have a list of things to do, a list I've been compiling that just seems to continue growing. And I don't want to go back and fix it. I'm tired. Again, for people who don't think writing is work, you can go $#!% off because it is, and I'm tired and I can't do it anymore. True, I shouldn't complain, being that this draft is a record breaking 3ish months for me (though honestly, I think if you condense the days I actually worked on it, it's more like 2 which is RIDICULOUS for me, but hey, that's what happens when a muse sits on your shoulders and doesn't. Leave. You. Alone.), but still.

Other writers understand, I'm sure. That moment where you've written so much for so long you can't write anymore lest you puke all over your manuscript or set it on fire or just yell, "I HATE YOU" at your computer screen. Yeah. I'm at that point now. Which is kind of depressing since I was having such a grand time with this story. But alas, now I see its flaws and it's bumming me out.

But hey, whatcha gonna do? (and yes, I will accept calling the Ghostbusters as an answer)

Until then, enjoy this interview with Jill Myles on writing sex scenes. I haven't read her book yet, but it's on my list.


Yep. That's me.

Dos and Don'ts (Mostly Don'ts)

As a member of the Absolute Write Water Cooler (where I tend to go to procrastinate, so in hindsight, maybe joining wasn't such a great idea), I often mosey on over to more people's blogs. Often more than I would under normal circumstances. Procrastination. What can I say?

But I have found a few fun nuggets. The other day I found this by Kate Hart, aspiring YA writer, and it got me thinking about how I react to certain questions people put to me when I tell them I'm a writer. First off, do these. But that's pretty much after you're published, so those don't really apply to me (yet). For now, keep these in mind when it comes to questions not to ask:

• "So what's the book is about?" Frankly, I hate this question. I'm willing to tell you what genre it is, and that's pretty much it. Summing up my book(s) to people on a constant basis ruffles my feathers. Mostly because I'm uncomfortable divulging summaries about works that are fantasy or SF since basically everyone asking me doesn't really read those genres. Likewise a lot of people that don't tend to think poorly of them, which leads into the next point.
  
  
• "Are you seriously writing that?" Exactly what Kate said: Don't be condescending. Nothing sucks more than a person who disses on your book/genre/the fact that you call it work. I've been lucky in that I've only ever experienced one jackass who stated that he thought F/SF was lame and then for some bizarre reason proceeded to grill me about my book. I can't remember the last time I was that uncomfortable. And yes, writing a novel is a pain. You write over 70,000 words and see how easy it is. Just because we choose to do it and yes, it is fun sometimes, it doesn't mean it's all candy and roses. Why else do you think not everyone aspires to be an author?
  
  
• "Can I read it?" I've actually let two people that have asked this question read my work. I trusted them for several reasons, 1.) I was in high school and they were good friends 2.) they weren't writers so they sure as hell weren't going to steal it 3.) the writing was far from being good enough anyway, 4.) it was all handwritten. These days, I again agree with Kate. Read my book when it's published, okay? I'd like to get paid for all my hard work too, you know.
  
  
• "When will it be published?" I guess since I said you can't read it now, you want to know when you can. Look, if a person says, "I'm writing a book," please pay attention to verb tense. You took basic English in school right? You should know that "writing" means in the process of doing so. That means it's not finished. Only when you're told that the book is going to be published by so-and-so publisher can you ask for the date.
  
  
• "When are you going on Oprah?" I thought this one was actually kind of funny. If anyone ever asked me that, I'd probably look at the person like he was a moron. Take a look at Oprah's book list and tell me when she's ever read a F/SF book. Either way, yeah, don't ask this because it's truly a stupid question. Oprah picks the books to read, not the other way around. And they're usually depressing or generally emo in some way.
  
  
• "So will you be like [insert ultra-famous author here]?" No. Not unless I'm the next luckiest sonofabitch that walked the Earth. For some reason, people tend to think that just because a handful of authors make 6 figures (or more), the majority of authors do. In fact, the majority of authors DO NOT and have to bust ass to keep producing books for readers just to make a comfortable living. Hell, you're lucky if your book ends up as a modeled title (a certain number of books has to be in the store) at Barnes & Noble.
  
  
• "Why don't you write about [subject in no way related/similar to what you're writing]?" Because I don't like it or I can't do it. Personally, I just can't do mystery and am awed by people who can come up with new scenarios as to why there's a dead body in the next room over and over and over again. By the way asker, you may be working in an office - why don't you work on a crab fishing boat instead, hmm?
  
  
• "Is that sex scene autobiographical?" I laughed when I saw this one. I've never been asked this and though I might be a little "..Uuuh...." if I were, I could easily answer. NO. (I was watching you.)
  
  
• "Do I get a free copy when it's published?" NO. GO BUY THE BOOK. I'm not a fan of this question, yet I hear it all the time, or I hear it in statement format, "I'd better get a copy when it's published!" Yeah, sure. I just took a year or longer to put this together, spent God knows how much on stamps and paper and ink and envelopes just to land an agent, waited another year or more for the agent to sell it, and another year or longer for it to actually come out in it's published form. I don't understand why people, even if only marginally acquainted with me feel they're entitled to free stuff. But I always smile and laugh and say, "Sure." (Though the real answer, again, is NO.)
  
  
• "Why isn't it dedicated to me?" I've never had this question either, or any varation thereof, but I'd probably just look at the person as though he had issues. Don't be a greedy prick. Writers take inspiration and strength from all walks of life. And by the way, how do you know you're not in the dedications? And if you're not in the first book, how do you know you're not in the second? Either way, if you're not, then you obviously aren't special enough. Get over yourself.
  
  
• "Is it any good?" Again, never had this question. Most of us writers tend to think it's good. We'll know the truth when we find an agent or editor. Until then, yes. And when it gets published, then yes. How the hell do we know what you'll think of it?
  
  
• "Am I in it?" Kate said she hates this question. I got this all the time and it always made me laugh. I think I may have ranted about this question sometime in the past, actually. When you hear this question enough, then yes, it can get annoying. What people fail to consider though, is that you might be in the book. And you might be a character that dies. Eh? How about them apples? I use friends and create characters for them and once handed them out as Christmas gifts. Hell, I eventually wrote a book using all of them (needs revising). Generally speaking though, don't ask this because 99% of the time the answer is going to be a resounding NO. Even if the person you're asking dances around the question. They're dancing around it because the answer is either no, or they killed you (or just seriously f*cked you up).

Print this out writers, and pass it around to your friends and family. Maybe they'll never bother you about your writing again. Haha. And for non-writers, well, now you know better. ;D

WHOO HOO!

War for the Oaks by Emma Bull

I won I won I won!!

Freaking A! Shara got 43 entries and used a randomizer website to pick two winners and joy of joys - one was mine! While I admit I've already read this book, I thought it would be oodles of fun to read again - especially now that it's got an updated cover. You know what this book kind of reminds me of? A little bit of fairy-tale goodness and Labyrinth all rolled up into a sheet of rockin' 80s music. Haha. That and I adored the phouka. He gave me a bit of inspiration for my current WIP,in fact. *yay!*

Man. I seem to be winning mail roulette a lot lately. All I need now is to win "steady job" roulette and I'll be good as gold. Until then, it's back to freelancing!

Shara's 2009 Top Ten GIVEAWAY!

While at Seton Hill University to get my MA in Writing Popular Fiction, I met a girl by the name of Shara. An upbeat, outgoing person and a voracious reader, every year Shara does a giveaway from her Top Ten list.

That's right. You send her an email, and if you win you get a free book.

How awesome is that??

I thought I'd spread the word, as she encourages people to do. So go visit her site, poke around to see which book you wouldn't mind having on your shelf, and put your name in the hat. A few years back I won The Now Habit by Neil Fiore, so if you're wondering if this Shara person really does give away books, she does. Whee! I've already sent my entry in and have my fingers crossed!

Check out the GIVEAWAY: 2009 Top Ten List!

Be sure to act fast, because the giveaway ends January 13th!


Yay free books!

Research (and lots of it)

I find myself more inclined to update this blog now that I have followers. Makes me feel special. Hah. One never really knows how many people may be reading their blog, but now I know that a few people do, and what better way to keep them around than by providing content to read? Granted, it may not be timely content, or always useful (as this is my writing blog and can be quite casual), but it's something to read nonetheless.

So the other day I was thinking about all the weird and seemingly random research I've had to do over the years for my writing. Put all together, it's just....weird. I mean, regularly a person wouldn't ever need or even desire to look up half this stuff, and yet when you become a writer, research is important, even necessary, no matter what you decide to write about. Some people may think that writers of fantasy or science fiction or even romance don't have to do research, but they couldn't be further from the truth (and we know it). So I've decided to compile a list of all the things I've researched (that I can remember), and while I'm at it, I encourage others to showcase their research as well, and maybe we'll remind people about all the work we put into our novels, no matter how ficiticious or ridiculous they may be.

• Future weaponry (I intend to put a thank you to the FBI in that novel; thanks for not knocking down my door and arresting my ass for all the stuff I've looked up)
• Different species of deer
• Parthenogenesis
• Poison plants (one of the reaons I'm itching to get my hands on Wicked Plants by Amy Stewart)
• Weapons from past centuries (swords types, distance weapons, the effect of various weapon on various types of armor, metals, you name it)
• Quantum Physics
• Theoretical Physics (Michio Kaku is my hero)
• Human biology
• Medical advances and future ideas
• Cell biology
• Pathogens
• Nanotechnology
• Wolves
• Castle fortifications
• Fighting styles (using both my firsthand knowledge and examining other styles)
• Clothing (time frames vary from medieval to possible future fabrics)
• Hiking equipment (making sure they still make 'em like that)
• Mythology (fairy rings, gods, legends, creatures, etc.)
• Magical properties of items (flowers, stones, plants, etc.)
• Languages
• Rock climbing without present day equipment
• Seafaring vessels
  

That's all I can think of right now, though I'm sure there are more things I've forgotten.

It can't be tiring sometimes, all that research. And let me say, science fiction is more of a pain in the ass than any other genre I've dabbled in. Especially when you get Earth involved.

Good reference books are priceless.

On the Red-Eye

...You know you're having a good writing time when it's past 3:30 in the morning and your brain says, "You should go to bed now" and the rest of you says, "Yeah, but let me finish this scene first."

*plays some air guitar while I'm at it*


Heheh. Yeah.

Answer the Question!

I discovered this on another writer's blog, and though I have no one to tag (yeah, it's one of those), I figured I'd do it anyway just for something fun. Enjoy, my nonexistent readers.

What's the last thing you wrote? What's the first thing you wrote that you still have?
Does it have to be completed? Because the last thing I wrote was a huge freaking chunk of what's temporarily called Kingdom of Red (kissing scene in the Dec. 21st post). As for the first thing I wrote that I still have, I honestly couldn't tell you because I've kept a LOT of my junk. I think I'll go with Book #4, which is actually a completed manuscript of 347 pages I wrote when I was in high school. I'm currently revising the hell out of it.

Write poetry?
Not as much as I used to.

Angsty poetry?
*snicker* Not as much as I used to.

Favorite genre of writing?
Fantasy. Always.

Most annoying character you've ever created?
To me or to the reader? I have a scientist named Renard who annoys the hell out of everyone, but I love him. ...I don't actually think I have any characters that annoy me personally...

Best plot you've ever created?
The whole storyline involving my evil, evil dragon. I mean, he is bad.

Coolest plot twist?
I actually have Hell rise up and basically kill everyone. The Apocalypse, only not what we here on Earth would have expected (as this takes place elsewhere before spilling over here). Maybe not really a plot twist, but it's certainly different from everything else that's happened to those poor characters!

Write fan fiction?
Just twice, when it's in my brain so much I need to get it out. Doctor Who and Pirates of the Caribbean. Otherwise I'll just dream the storyline away and be done with it.

Do you type or write by hand?
Both. I used to write by hand exclusively, but sometimes an idea barges in so violently that I can't write fast enough. Usually I can't think when typing a story (weird blockage of ideas...very strange), but if they're strong enough, then it works. Strange, I know, but that's how it works.

Do you save everything you write?
Yes...just in case. *shrug*

Do you ever go back to an idea after you've abandoned it?
Depends on the idea. Some stuff I write just for shits and giggles, so it's easy to abandon. Other things might come in handy. I have a few short stories that some might consider abandoned given the amount of time I've let them sit, but I think that if I just went back and altered some of them (a lot), they could be good enough to submit to places.

What's your favorite thing you've ever written?
Book #2. I have to revise it like nobody's business, but I still love it and it was a blast to write. Almost 500 pages in a year. Haha. Yeah, needs some work.

What's everyone elses favorite story that you've written?
I don't know. Not many people have read these things because they're all executed poorly in terms of writing style (POV, verb tense, adverbs, etc.). But at least everyone seems to enjoy my dragon. >=D

Ever written romance or angsty teen drama?
No angsty teen drama. I was able to avoid that crap in high school (more than others at least) so why revisit it? But romance, oh you betcha.

What's your favorite setting for your characters?
Any place other than Earth. Even my humans from Earth are never seen on it. HA!

How many writing projects do you have going right now?
I have one I'm submitting to every freakin' agent under the sun. I have two others I'm writing, and I've just started to revise an older one. But if you really wanted to get technical about it, the total would be seven (four need revising, I'm actually in the process of writing two, and I'm submitting the one). And that's if you don't count the others with large chunks done.

Have you ever won an award for your writing?
Does a scholarship count? If so, then yes, $500.

What are your five favorite words?
Gosh....I honestly don't know. Though I do like "glittering." I love the visual it evokes.

What character have you created that is most like you?
Caroline and Gabrielle....probably why those are the two written in first person.

Where you do get your ideas for your characters?
Oh geezo...everywhere. Friends, family, my crazed imagination, movies, music, and sometimes they evolve as they go.

Do you ever write based on your dreams?
Just once. A short story that may not be savagable in the end. Daydreams on the other hand, oh yes.

Do you favor happy endings?
Absolutely! Evil never wins in my books. Even if I have killed off the main characters in two books. But I often have a "bring-back-to-life" plan for certain occasions. Except for one of them...heh.

Does music help you write?
YES. Go take a look at my Epinions page and take note of how I've reviewed over 70 soundtracks and then you'll know just how important music is (and not always soundtracks either!)

Quote something you've written. Whatever pops in your head.
"Werbowski is in a fucking coma, Renard! He's got a good chance at being a goddamn vegetable for the rest of his life!" (Scott was so mad - I love it).

Are you concerned with spelling and grammar as you write?
Yes for both, though I'm not perfect. I often forget commas between compound sentences using "and" and probably some other things grammar Nazis would get me on. Which is why I like grammar Nazis to look at my work from time to time.


Best mug ever. (mine)

The No Kiss Blogfest!

Welcome back (if you visited the first time) - this time to the No Kiss Blogfest! Inspired by the previous Kissing Day Blogfest, we're now totally celebrating in the "almost kiss."

I almost posted this one last time, but wanted to do an actual kiss. Now I'm glad I did that, because now I get to post this one under a more appropriate blogfest - and it's one of my favorite parts of this particular WIP, Illusion's Trick.

Ladies, meet Lucan.

I exhaled a long breath. Relax. Nothing weird will happen this time. I closed my eyes and stood motionless beneath the hot shower spray.

As soon as I’d finished the thought, a pair of hands slipped around my waist.

I shrieked and stumbled around, pulling away and banging my shin into the faucet as I spun around to slam my back into the tile wall. He was here. In my shower. Standing quietly in the water and…ho…my God…he was naked.

He smiled, that slow, know-everything-about-me smile. “Hello again, Gabrielle.”

“Wha,” was all I could get out, a noise between a question and a shout.

He was…impressive. Lean with a musculature that spoke of strength and latent power like one of the mixed martial arts fighters I always watched on TV. A jagged, violent-looking scar ran around his side, slicing down from his ribs to curve over and end at his abdomen. Another cut down the inside of his right arm, from elbow to wrist, and another, thinner and more faded scar scored over his left bicep. I wondered what he’d done to receive them. A bit of mirth found its way into his smirk. At my expense, no doubt.

I straightened. I was naked, he was naked, but I refused to cower against the wall in my own shower. I couldn’t let myself feel like the only vulnerable one when we both wore the same thing—nothing.

“What are you doing here?” I demanded, trying to look at his face and not the rest of him.

“Don’t tell me you haven’t wanted me here,” he said, cocking his head ever so slightly.

The non-stranger, stranger in the shower scenario. God damn it. I managed to hold back the maniacal grin that threatened to appear. How could I have forgotten that one?

“I can’t just accept a strange man in my shower like this,” I said. Quite a pathetic statement, actually. While in my dreams it was partially true, I always acquiesced in the end. Now that it had become a lot more real, I wasn’t so sure it was a good idea.

“I’m not sure you have much choice at this point,” he said, watching me intently. What a gentleman—he had me naked and yet he kept his gaze on my face. An improvement for him, I decided.

“Or,” he continued, “I could wait until you’re finished and be the one to approach you then.”

“What? I don’t have any other shower fantasies.”

“Don’t lie to me,” he said. “I know for years you stepped out of here only to pretend you’ve stepped out of the rain onto the threshold of a strange house.”

I gaped at him. By God, he was right. I meant to speak, but only made a sort of choking sound. This guy knew everything! Even I’d forgotten that one!

“Damn,” I muttered, stuck between irritated and impressed. I shifted more toward irritated since I was starting to get cold. His highness had scared me into the corner and now took up most of the water. I began inching my way along the edge of the shower back into the spray.

“Well,” I said, trying to figure out how to convince him to move, “you could. It would be more polite.” Because then I’d at least have a towel.

Suddenly his hands slapped the tile on either side of me, trapping me against the wall. He leaned forward.

“I like this one better.”

His face was inches from mine and…was he moving closer? Shit. Not again. I tried to conjure up last night’s conversation, his smug grin, his underhanded comment about taking me without my immediate permission. It wasn’t working.

“I hate you,” I said, a lame attempt to rile him up enough to get him to back off. His lips brushed my temple.

“I would appreciate it if you didn’t lie to me,” he whispered.

In my mind I cursed to no end. I thought I’d managed to get over falling to pieces around him, but here I was, feeling weak and losing all resolve just like before. He did nothing more than trace the contours of my face with his mouth, lying in wait for some small signal from me to do more. I wanted to reach out and dig my nails into his back and drag him closer, wanted to feel him against me, to kiss him just to know what he tasted like. Instead, I kept my hands at my sides and scratched the tile, scraping a thin film of soap scum under my fingernails.

Mmm, tasty. This photo is property of Mercuralis. For heaven's sakes, if you want to see some super sweet art, check her out!